For a long time now, I’ve been in a rut. I wouldn’t call it depression, though it’s certainly had depressive aspects at times. Instead, I would say that it’s been more of a sabbatical. I was tired, broke, and disillusioned, so I took a big step back from my grandiose revolutionary schemes in order to recuperate, regenerate, and reflect upon my life and my world.
In many ways, this was a good thing. It gave me the time to develop closer relationships with my friends; it gave me new perspective on my goals and challenges; it lead me on a variety of quirky adventures and side quests that I would have never had the pleasure of exploring if I hadn’t given myself some breathing room.
But eventually, rest became inertia; stability became entropy; doubt became defeatism. Without even realizing it, I started to accept the problems in my life, my community, and my world as inescapable givens. The people I know and love will always be poor and disempowered; the community I live in will always be conformist and apathetic; the nation I live in will never rise to the challenge of changing economic and political systems that are causing so much social and ecological havoc. This may be unfortunate, but this is the way of things, and all that I can do is ensure that my personal contribution is positive (or at least neutral).
This attitude went on for a while, just under the surface, undercutting my otherwise positive attitude with a pernicious pessimism. Eventually, though, I remembered something.
I remembered that I have the power to create change in my life, my community, and my world.