2020: Spirits Rise
It’s that time of year again, folks. Spirit Halloween is claiming every empty storefront they can get their hands on.
Here in Carbondale, Illinois, Spirit Halloween has taken over an entire abandoned Macy’s. When I first saw the photos online, I thought they must be fake. I’d never seen Spirit Halloween move into such a big and prominent location before! Are they actually growing in size and stature against all odds in the middle of a pandemic?
This upsizing of the local Spirit Halloween store made me come to a haunting realization.
As the economy collapses, Spirit Halloween will only grow in power. As more storefronts close, more Spirit Halloween stores will open. This is the moment they’ve been waiting for. This is their time to shine.
They’ll start by acquiring more storefronts and bigger storefronts. Soon, they’ll lay claim to entire abandoned malls. They may even occupy abandoned factories and industrial parks. Slowly but surely, they’ll spread into more locations, with more space, in more cities across America.
Why do they need that extra space? What are they planning? What will they do in those abandoned buildings, in the dark of night, hidden from prying eyes?
The pandemic will only make Spirit Halloween stronger. They’ll keep snatching up more storefronts in more prominent locations. In late September, they’ll announce that they’ve modified all costumes and masks to double as personal protective equipment. Demand will skyrocket, and the power of their brand will grow exponentially.
By the time October rolls around, Spirit Halloween will control sizable portions of most cities and towns in America. Their growing ranks of employees and fanatical devotees will gather each night in these abandoned storefronts, performing elaborate rituals with various Halloween props taken straight from their shelves in preparation for the big day.
On October 31, at the stroke of midnight, millions of members of the Spirit Halloween Army will burst forth from their many strongholds across the nation. They will be clad in the finest of bargain-basement Halloween costumes, armed with an endless supply of spooky decorations and sweet candy, ready to plunge our entire nation into a never-ending state of year-round Halloween. As they march through our towns and cities, the streets will be filled with a single slow, steady chant that grows louder and wilder with each passing moment as more voices join the chorus.
“All Hail Halloween!”