All things considered, I feel like I’m one of the most blessed people I know. I’m alive, and I’m probably about 75% well, which is more than most people can say. I am well-loved and respected among my fellow community members. I have many hopes, visions, dreams, and aspirations leading me forward, ever closer to the life of my dreams, going farther in life than I suspect most people even dream of. I feel the presence of the Divine in my life, and in many ways, I feel like I’m on the right track.
And yet, sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I get lonely. Sometimes I feel despair. Sometimes my muscles ache with the cries of six or seven billion voices lost in anguish, despair, confusion, and alienation. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep at night and wake up in the world of my dreams.
When I wake up, I won’t be tired anymore. There won’t be any alarm clock whining at me, and I won’t have anywhere to go or anything to do. I’ll walk into my living room, and a dozen of my closest personal friends will be waiting for me, talking amongst themselves about the intentional community that we’re about to build together.
For once, they’ll all be together in the same place, at the same time, with their hearts filled with hope and joy. They will all rise to greet me, and we will meet in the center of the room with a group hug.
To my amazement, I will notice one of those giant oversized checks for forty-seven million dollars leaning up against the television. Some bilionaire who read my book decided to fund the Revolution, and now I get to spend the rest of my life with a dozen of my closest personal friends building an intentional community and travelling the world to spread messages of love and healing to all people.
And in the center of my circle of friends, I’ll see the love of my life — a beautiful, charming, intelligent, strong, loving, revolutionary woman who I’ve been hoping to find for the past eight years or so. She won’t be married; she won’t have a boyfriend; she won’t have a deep fear of commitment; she won’t be oblivious to my presence; she won’t have an inexplicable tendency to run away in terror when I tell her that I love her. Instead, she will know me as well as I know her, and we will spend the rest of our lives together loving, learning, growing, living, and inspiring revolution in each other and the world around us.
And then, to top it all off, I’ll walk into the kitchen to discover David Wolfe, Gabriel Cousens, Juliano, and a host of other raw foods celebrities with the feast of a century waiting for us. We’ll lose ourselves in the sensual delights of naked chocolate — and since we’ll be filthy rich by this point, we’ll get to eat this way every day for the rest of our lives.
And then… I’ll wake up.
Maybe I should just be grateful for what I have. And I truly am grateful for what I have, especially since I almost decided to end it all prematurely many moons ago. But when I can see the potential for so much more pulsing all around me, squashed by nothing but stubborn ignorance and gross misunderstanding, I can’t help but feel frustrated sometimes.
So, I drink my day’s dose of naked chocolate, type away on my keyboard, and hope for the best.
But the future lies in such flux right now. So much hinges on the choices of so many… will we choose to dismantle the institutions of domination and destruction, or will we watch in seeming helplessness as the heartless juggernaut rips through the final inches of the flesh of our living Mother?
Even now, amidst all of this war and the rising tides of fascism, my money’s on the children of the Earth. But we have so far to go in our journey that my heart aches even at the prospect of a distant success…
In any case, I feel that my role in the hope of the future lies in creating and sustaining hope in my community and my very own life. So, on that note, I’m off to do some more writing on those two books and some more personal process work in the depths of my soul. When I wake up in the morning, maybe I won’t find those dreamy realities waiting in the next room… I mean, maybe I really WILL, who knows… but either way, I will find another day, and another opportunity to celebrate the Divine and seek some greater measure of sanity in the process.
And that’s good enough for me.