Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Unbreak My Heart -- Part II
So there I was, a victim of my own misguided emotion-binding spell, unable to accept and experience my own feelings. It wasn't a good place to be, to put it mildly. But now comes the fun part -- healing!
As with other aspects of my healing, I felt it starting when I first became involved in activism. I couldn't help but be emotional at the sight of the planet's destruction, and I couldn't help but express my feelings on the issue even when doing so was considered inappropriate to the point of incurring the wrath of the State. I truly cared about the Earth -- and my feelings on the subject soon became clear to all who knew me.
But that only worked up to a point. Soon enough, the tables turned, and activism served to perpetuate my supression of genuine emotion. With the fate of the Earth supposedly in my hands [ah, what youthful arrogance], there was no place for any feelings of fear or despair that might slow down my efforts. I just had to get the job done -- and force myself to feel whatever it took to do it.
So, I was stuck just one small step closer to health. Then, I came upon my healing studies. For most of my year at the healing school, this emotional rigidity persisted. Then, when we actually explored the Rigid character structure, I really started to feel all of those emotions that I'd held back for so long. Anger, fear, sadness, even love and happiness all started flooding back into me in fits and starts. They had always been there, and I had always known it, but they were so terrifying to me that I would never allow myself to really FEEL them.
That was a big breakthrough for me. Now, I'm going through another one as my physical body slowly starts to recover from the effects of having the life choked out of it by my own defenses for a good ten years. As with all healing, it's a long and tumultuous journey, but I can already feel myself loosening up and letting my true self shine through.
So how does this relate to healing the planet? I've got a better question -- how could it NOT relate?
Number one, this is already starting to make my life SO much more personally fulfilling. I actually get to be myself now, even if I'm afraid other people will find it "totally inappropriate." It also allows me to help others and the planet because I actually FEEL like it, not because it's the proper thing to do. Oddly enough, the more my heart's in it, the more I get done too.
Number two, it lends me one more insight into the nature of healing and the human heart. If I can unbreak my own heart, I'm well on the road to helping others do the same. If we can all reclaim our personal power and feel good about ourselves, we'll stop believing the lies of a system that tells us that we can get our sense of fulfillment by consuming, exploiting, and polluting the planet.
So there you have it. If I can turn a human being into a emotionless machine, then I can surely breathe life back into that machine. Once I do this for myself, I can help others to do the same. And then, the days of the insane cyborg death machine that is today's society will be numbered.
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As with other aspects of my healing, I felt it starting when I first became involved in activism. I couldn't help but be emotional at the sight of the planet's destruction, and I couldn't help but express my feelings on the issue even when doing so was considered inappropriate to the point of incurring the wrath of the State. I truly cared about the Earth -- and my feelings on the subject soon became clear to all who knew me.
But that only worked up to a point. Soon enough, the tables turned, and activism served to perpetuate my supression of genuine emotion. With the fate of the Earth supposedly in my hands [ah, what youthful arrogance], there was no place for any feelings of fear or despair that might slow down my efforts. I just had to get the job done -- and force myself to feel whatever it took to do it.
So, I was stuck just one small step closer to health. Then, I came upon my healing studies. For most of my year at the healing school, this emotional rigidity persisted. Then, when we actually explored the Rigid character structure, I really started to feel all of those emotions that I'd held back for so long. Anger, fear, sadness, even love and happiness all started flooding back into me in fits and starts. They had always been there, and I had always known it, but they were so terrifying to me that I would never allow myself to really FEEL them.
That was a big breakthrough for me. Now, I'm going through another one as my physical body slowly starts to recover from the effects of having the life choked out of it by my own defenses for a good ten years. As with all healing, it's a long and tumultuous journey, but I can already feel myself loosening up and letting my true self shine through.
So how does this relate to healing the planet? I've got a better question -- how could it NOT relate?
Number one, this is already starting to make my life SO much more personally fulfilling. I actually get to be myself now, even if I'm afraid other people will find it "totally inappropriate." It also allows me to help others and the planet because I actually FEEL like it, not because it's the proper thing to do. Oddly enough, the more my heart's in it, the more I get done too.
Number two, it lends me one more insight into the nature of healing and the human heart. If I can unbreak my own heart, I'm well on the road to helping others do the same. If we can all reclaim our personal power and feel good about ourselves, we'll stop believing the lies of a system that tells us that we can get our sense of fulfillment by consuming, exploiting, and polluting the planet.
So there you have it. If I can turn a human being into a emotionless machine, then I can surely breathe life back into that machine. Once I do this for myself, I can help others to do the same. And then, the days of the insane cyborg death machine that is today's society will be numbered.
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