Sunday, July 04, 2004
Rainbow Connection
I've been meandering in and out of a stressful funk lately due in large part to negative developments in my financial situation. [Literally negative -- take a look at my checkbook!] I was feeling this way yesterday as I ran the usual weekend errands of laundry and shopping. Writing poetry helped me to get my emotions flowing, but once that positive experience was over, those emotions sank into a sort of burning defiance. "So life sucks, eh? Well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I love lemonade! And I've got a fire in my belly that none of your petty attacks can touch, so you can kiss my @$$."
So, yeah -- it was much better than depression, but not as fun as my usual happy-go-lucky spirit. I thought about going to watch Spider Man 2 in an effort to cheer myself up, then realized that it'd be pretty irresponsible of me to spend $6.75 on a cheesy superhero movie when my financial future is uncertain.
Of course, since I was in such a defiant mood, that thought settled the matter - I simply HAD to go see it!
At first, as I walked along the tracks to the north side of town, I was mystified by this decision. What the hell was I thinking? That same money could buy me a decent day's worth of food. But hey, it felt good -- an odd mix of defiant denial and deep trust that everything would be alright somehow.
As it turns out, it was worth it. The movie itself was really refreshing -- watching Spider Man deal with some of the same issues around poverty and inner turmoil that I was going through myself. Of course, the big screen version was more cartoonish, but hey -- it's a movie about a comic book hero. I went into it expecting as much, and thus was able to enjoy the movie quite thoroughly. I found it very emotionally satisfying.
But... BUT... the more important story took place before I even made it to the theatre.
So there I was, sauntering across town with a hollow fire in my belly, taking what satisfaction I could from my sense of defiance as I walked across town completely free of the burden of any of the problems in my life. I had finished heading north and started the trip east out to the movie theatre, when suddenly I looked up in the sky.
There, off in the east, was a double rainbow!
The double rainbow covered over half of the sky, and the lower band was quite possibly the brightest and most colorful rainbow I've ever seen. As I saw this beautiful sight, a tremendous feeling of relief came over me, so much so that I hardly knew what to do with myself. I couldn't even put it into words at first, but immediately, intuitively, I knew what it meant.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything already IS okay. I am not alone, and the beauty of the Divine is shining through me at this very moment.
It's hard to even explain the many layers of significance of this to me. As a child, I used to draw rainbows all of the time. Seeing this rainbow reminded me of those days of my youth. When I was off in Idaho, I saw a rainbow twice to reassure met that I was on the right path. I felt like yesterday's rainbow was a similar assurance -- that even though this may be a time of tears, the light shining through the tears would produce a beautiful rainbow, a bridge to a time of light and hope.
This left me contemplating the symbolism of the rainbow itself. Rainbows are a mixture of water and light. Water is an element that symbolizes emotion, love, wisdom, relatedness, flow. Sunshine symbolizes spirit, the light of our soul. A rainbow, then, is an example of the light of our soul shining into the world through the vessel of our emotions and relatedness. As I thought of this, I felt very touched, almost to the point of tears. I prayed then and there that I might strengthen my own relationship with the element of water, and thus transform myself into a rainbow, shining the light of all of the colors through the core of my being and into the world around me.
So, yeah -- seeing that rainbow was a powerful experience. As I continued walking east to the theatre, I kept my eyes on the sky as much as safety would allow. [No need to walk in front of cars, eh?] I felt the presence of the Divine all around me, and I knew that even though I have no clue of the details at this moment, everything will be all right. The rainbow stayed in the sky for a good long while, then faded slowly from sight just as I reached my destination.
Of course, seeing this rainbow didn't have any direct impact on the outward circumstances of my life. But it did help me to transform my inner attitude on those circumstances -- and that can make all of the difference.
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So, yeah -- it was much better than depression, but not as fun as my usual happy-go-lucky spirit. I thought about going to watch Spider Man 2 in an effort to cheer myself up, then realized that it'd be pretty irresponsible of me to spend $6.75 on a cheesy superhero movie when my financial future is uncertain.
Of course, since I was in such a defiant mood, that thought settled the matter - I simply HAD to go see it!
At first, as I walked along the tracks to the north side of town, I was mystified by this decision. What the hell was I thinking? That same money could buy me a decent day's worth of food. But hey, it felt good -- an odd mix of defiant denial and deep trust that everything would be alright somehow.
As it turns out, it was worth it. The movie itself was really refreshing -- watching Spider Man deal with some of the same issues around poverty and inner turmoil that I was going through myself. Of course, the big screen version was more cartoonish, but hey -- it's a movie about a comic book hero. I went into it expecting as much, and thus was able to enjoy the movie quite thoroughly. I found it very emotionally satisfying.
But... BUT... the more important story took place before I even made it to the theatre.
So there I was, sauntering across town with a hollow fire in my belly, taking what satisfaction I could from my sense of defiance as I walked across town completely free of the burden of any of the problems in my life. I had finished heading north and started the trip east out to the movie theatre, when suddenly I looked up in the sky.
There, off in the east, was a double rainbow!
The double rainbow covered over half of the sky, and the lower band was quite possibly the brightest and most colorful rainbow I've ever seen. As I saw this beautiful sight, a tremendous feeling of relief came over me, so much so that I hardly knew what to do with myself. I couldn't even put it into words at first, but immediately, intuitively, I knew what it meant.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything already IS okay. I am not alone, and the beauty of the Divine is shining through me at this very moment.
It's hard to even explain the many layers of significance of this to me. As a child, I used to draw rainbows all of the time. Seeing this rainbow reminded me of those days of my youth. When I was off in Idaho, I saw a rainbow twice to reassure met that I was on the right path. I felt like yesterday's rainbow was a similar assurance -- that even though this may be a time of tears, the light shining through the tears would produce a beautiful rainbow, a bridge to a time of light and hope.
This left me contemplating the symbolism of the rainbow itself. Rainbows are a mixture of water and light. Water is an element that symbolizes emotion, love, wisdom, relatedness, flow. Sunshine symbolizes spirit, the light of our soul. A rainbow, then, is an example of the light of our soul shining into the world through the vessel of our emotions and relatedness. As I thought of this, I felt very touched, almost to the point of tears. I prayed then and there that I might strengthen my own relationship with the element of water, and thus transform myself into a rainbow, shining the light of all of the colors through the core of my being and into the world around me.
So, yeah -- seeing that rainbow was a powerful experience. As I continued walking east to the theatre, I kept my eyes on the sky as much as safety would allow. [No need to walk in front of cars, eh?] I felt the presence of the Divine all around me, and I knew that even though I have no clue of the details at this moment, everything will be all right. The rainbow stayed in the sky for a good long while, then faded slowly from sight just as I reached my destination.
Of course, seeing this rainbow didn't have any direct impact on the outward circumstances of my life. But it did help me to transform my inner attitude on those circumstances -- and that can make all of the difference.
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