Saturday, September 27, 2003
Inspiration is Free
When I first ran out of savings, I was afraid that it would threaten my commitment to revolution. I was afraid that I would become completely absorbed in struggling for survival and wouldn't have the time or energy to continue with my work of personal and planetary transformation.
Guess what? For a while, it happened!
Up until recently, I'd been living a very comfortable lifestyle. I ate the finest live foods that mail order had to offer; I didn't work a paying job for a living; and I took off a week at a time to study healing in luxurious Miami Beach. It was easy to give time and money to others because I had so much of both. It was easy to feel inspired and hopeful because life was being handed to me on a silver platter.
Then, I went broke.
This was devastating. No book deal in sight, working a low income job, not being able to throw around money like it was free anymore. This evoked panic, frustration, anger, and sorrow as I realized that like most people in the world today, I had to go out and earn enough money to survive.
At first, I was consumed by the struggle for survival. Would I have enough food? Would it still be organic food? Would I have to choose between eating and paying bills? Under these conditions, I began losing sight of any deeper spiritual concerns or revolutionary aspirations.
The longer this went on though, the more it inspired me. This isn't a theory; this isn't philanthropy on my part anymore. I can feel in my own life, my own heart, the injustice of domination and violence gone mad. I can feel the patterns of human consciousness, inside and out, that are creating these circumstances. I can envision another world - and the deeper that I sink into the world of today, the more I am empowered to work in the service of the world of tomorrow that so many of us carry in our hearts.
As long as I had material comfort, I was lost in the universalism and globalism of it all. This sense of security in the world was a crucial healing period for me that was a turning point in my revolutionary journey. It allowed me to firm up my choice of life rather than death and deepen my joy in living in this wonderful world of ours. But it was not at all a period of outward action.
Now, outward circumstances are serving as a catalyst for my inner transformation. I've reached another turning point. It's time for action! It's time to find a means of supporting myself financially that serves my long-term revolutionary vision. It's time to get more involved in my community, working together with others to make our dreams for a different life a reality. If we're going to pull it off, we're going to have to work out all of those pesky details of how to support ourselves together.
It's a spiritual challenge, the outcome of which may determine the course of the rest of my life. They've given us a system that is designed to exploit us, to profit by draining the very life from us, and to turn us against one another and the Earth that we call home. My challenge - our challenge - is to make our dream of a better world a reality, learning how to cooperate and flourish in a system that is hell-bent on enslaving us all and destroying our living home.
I'm feeling pretty confident in facing this challenge today. It's the challenge of a lifetime, and I'm feeling it much more personally as time goes on. But it's helping me to recognize the wealth of support I have in my friends and community. It's awakening the fire inside of me, giving me the passion and inspiration that I'll need to work with others to create a cornucopia in a land of bleach-filled dumpsters.
0 comments
Guess what? For a while, it happened!
Up until recently, I'd been living a very comfortable lifestyle. I ate the finest live foods that mail order had to offer; I didn't work a paying job for a living; and I took off a week at a time to study healing in luxurious Miami Beach. It was easy to give time and money to others because I had so much of both. It was easy to feel inspired and hopeful because life was being handed to me on a silver platter.
Then, I went broke.
This was devastating. No book deal in sight, working a low income job, not being able to throw around money like it was free anymore. This evoked panic, frustration, anger, and sorrow as I realized that like most people in the world today, I had to go out and earn enough money to survive.
At first, I was consumed by the struggle for survival. Would I have enough food? Would it still be organic food? Would I have to choose between eating and paying bills? Under these conditions, I began losing sight of any deeper spiritual concerns or revolutionary aspirations.
The longer this went on though, the more it inspired me. This isn't a theory; this isn't philanthropy on my part anymore. I can feel in my own life, my own heart, the injustice of domination and violence gone mad. I can feel the patterns of human consciousness, inside and out, that are creating these circumstances. I can envision another world - and the deeper that I sink into the world of today, the more I am empowered to work in the service of the world of tomorrow that so many of us carry in our hearts.
As long as I had material comfort, I was lost in the universalism and globalism of it all. This sense of security in the world was a crucial healing period for me that was a turning point in my revolutionary journey. It allowed me to firm up my choice of life rather than death and deepen my joy in living in this wonderful world of ours. But it was not at all a period of outward action.
Now, outward circumstances are serving as a catalyst for my inner transformation. I've reached another turning point. It's time for action! It's time to find a means of supporting myself financially that serves my long-term revolutionary vision. It's time to get more involved in my community, working together with others to make our dreams for a different life a reality. If we're going to pull it off, we're going to have to work out all of those pesky details of how to support ourselves together.
It's a spiritual challenge, the outcome of which may determine the course of the rest of my life. They've given us a system that is designed to exploit us, to profit by draining the very life from us, and to turn us against one another and the Earth that we call home. My challenge - our challenge - is to make our dream of a better world a reality, learning how to cooperate and flourish in a system that is hell-bent on enslaving us all and destroying our living home.
I'm feeling pretty confident in facing this challenge today. It's the challenge of a lifetime, and I'm feeling it much more personally as time goes on. But it's helping me to recognize the wealth of support I have in my friends and community. It's awakening the fire inside of me, giving me the passion and inspiration that I'll need to work with others to create a cornucopia in a land of bleach-filled dumpsters.
0 comments
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Harvest Time
Today is Autumn Equinox, known to myself and many others as Mabon. Mabon is a harvest celebration, where the abundant fruits of the fields are honored with feasting and merriment. I had a wonderful Mabon experience this past Saturday with an early celebration of the Sabbat among members of my Coven and our guests, some of whom were fellow members of the Living Tapestry Circle tradition.
In honor of the coming of harvest season, I thought that I'd share a paragraph or two about a harvest of sorts that is coming up in my life: a harvest of the Warrior Healer.
For several years now, I've been working on a book that will put down on paper what I've learned during my ongoing journey of transformation. After several roadblocks and delays that ended up being quite productive, it looks like I'm about to harvest what I have sown.
I'm about to give two presentations on the Warrior Healer - one this Thursday at a local community center [Interfaith Center], and one in November for a local spiritual group [Universal Spirituality]. I've had some good one-on-one discussion of the Warrior Healer, but so far it hasn't materialized into a group. Now that I'm lending more of my personal experience to the project and offering a human narrative rather than an abstract theory, I'm hoping that I'll be able to find other people who find the Warrior Healer journey as compelling as I do. Together, we can work to create a new and better world.
At the same time that these presentations have sprung up, I've also made progress in my Warrior Healer book. I'm in the process of transforming the first part of the book into a narrative rather than a theoretical explanation. This way, the reader can follow a personal journey and explore the Warrior Healer's path with mind and heart alike rather than wading through a theory devoid of context. Not only does this personal touch make the book more accessible and relevant to people's own personal lives; it also allows me to engage in the joys of storytelling that I've been putting on hold while I finished this book. More fun for the author means more fun for the reader!
It's been a bumpy road, but well worth every minute of it. Here's to the harvest...
0 comments
In honor of the coming of harvest season, I thought that I'd share a paragraph or two about a harvest of sorts that is coming up in my life: a harvest of the Warrior Healer.
For several years now, I've been working on a book that will put down on paper what I've learned during my ongoing journey of transformation. After several roadblocks and delays that ended up being quite productive, it looks like I'm about to harvest what I have sown.
I'm about to give two presentations on the Warrior Healer - one this Thursday at a local community center [Interfaith Center], and one in November for a local spiritual group [Universal Spirituality]. I've had some good one-on-one discussion of the Warrior Healer, but so far it hasn't materialized into a group. Now that I'm lending more of my personal experience to the project and offering a human narrative rather than an abstract theory, I'm hoping that I'll be able to find other people who find the Warrior Healer journey as compelling as I do. Together, we can work to create a new and better world.
At the same time that these presentations have sprung up, I've also made progress in my Warrior Healer book. I'm in the process of transforming the first part of the book into a narrative rather than a theoretical explanation. This way, the reader can follow a personal journey and explore the Warrior Healer's path with mind and heart alike rather than wading through a theory devoid of context. Not only does this personal touch make the book more accessible and relevant to people's own personal lives; it also allows me to engage in the joys of storytelling that I've been putting on hold while I finished this book. More fun for the author means more fun for the reader!
It's been a bumpy road, but well worth every minute of it. Here's to the harvest...
0 comments
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Hello World?
I've been having trouble posting to this blog for a while now! It just occured to me that it may have something to do with the new blogger.com features, since that's right about when it stopped working. I already contacted them, but I may try again now that I have this new insight...
If you're reading this, the problem must be solved, at least for the time being. In that case... hooray!
0 comments
If you're reading this, the problem must be solved, at least for the time being. In that case... hooray!
0 comments
Monday, September 08, 2003
In Memorium
Last night, I watched a special about the destruction of the World Trade Center. Some of it covered architectural issues such as how the building was designed, why it responded to the attacks the way it did, etc. But some dealt with the new construction being planned for the site, including a memorial for the people who died there on 9-11.
As you may have figured out by now, I am no patriot. In fact, I am a nonviolent revolutionary dedicated to the creation of a new society founded on principles such as freedom, direct democracy, bioregionalism, permaculture, free community, and abundant health, among others. So naturally, I tend to see all of this tugging on heartstrings surrounding September 11 as a ploy to manipulate the public into doing whatever the current administration wants us to do.
Even so, I felt some genuine sadness as I watched the footage from that dreadful day. These people didn't have to die. There's no reason why thousands of people should be incinerated and crushed to death in such a brutal attack. As they went on to describe the memorial itself, I felt at least two powerful emotions at once: understanding and indignation.
The understanding comes from the fact that I really do feel the horror of this tragedy. I'm no longer a bitter and angry revolutionary with little mercy for citizens of the Empire. These are human beings, fellow creatures, all of us children of the same Earth. I hold love in my heart for all beings, especially my fellow humans. If seeing their suffering doesn't bring tears to my eyes, then the "revolution" has already been defeated in my own heart before it even made it out into the world. I surprised myself while watching this show when I decided that it is very appropriate for people to build artful and enduring memorials to commemorate this horrible loss of life.
But there's a catch.
My indignation comes from the circumstances surrounding this tragedy and the U.S. in general. 9-11 is surely a day to be mourned, but there's a certain naive arrogance in the way that most of my fellow Americans go about mourning it. Let's not forget that this country got to where it is now by waging a bloody genocidal war across the entire width of North America and ultimately using treachery and violence to become the most powerful and wealthy Empire on the face of the planet. Thankfully, I've learned to feel love and empathy even for the champions and defenders of this brutal Empire, but the mortal screams of its countless victims cry out in my heart and make my blood boil every time that Americans act like 9-11 is the only tragedy that the Earth has ever seen.
Who will build a monument for the hundreds of thousands of children who died under the weight of the U.S. government wars and sanctions against Iraq? When will we set up a committee of prestigious designers to create a beautiful monument for the millions of Palestinians who have become refugees or died in their struggle for self-preservation and independence? Who will even remember the victims of the death squads in South America who were covertly [or even openly] funded and trained by the U.S. Government? These casualties far outnumber those of September 11 - and yet, because they aren't American, we feel nothing, forgetting those few whose passing we even noticed.
The greatest shock that came to me in the wake of September 11 was the feeling that I am an American. I tried to fight that feeling; after learning of all the horrors that our government has created, I sought to shut my heart off to mainstream America and prepare myself for a bitter and embattled revolution. On that fateful September day, my heart reopened to this nation, and I cried for the people who had been lost in the flaming rubble.
But my commitment to revolution was not forgotten. Yes, let's cry for our fellow Americans who died so horribly on that terrible day. But whatever we do, we must never perpetuate the very cycle of war and violence that took them from us. We must never allow "leaders" to charge us headlong into endless war in the name of the slain. Instead, we must feel their pain - feel OUR pain - and let it inform us about the pain of the rest of the world.
THIS is what it feels like to be attacked. THIS is what it feels like to be under siege. THIS is the pain of war and violence. It's enough to drive us out of our minds with anger and sadness, enough to make us want to lash out at anyone and everyone who we feel is responsible. Once we feel this, deeply and fully, we can empathize with all people who have been attacked, and all people who attack in return. We can hold love in our hearts for both; love in our hearts for all people, regardless of whether they are attacking or being attacked. We can swear from the bottom of our hearts that we will never, ever visit this terror upon the rest of the world ever again. We can swear to break the cycle by using our incredible might not for war and control, but for peaceful cooperation and world service.
So this is my resolution to the conflicted feelings I've been having about this monument and this coming anniversary. Yes, let's mourn and memorialize the passing of three thousand people on that day of terror. However, rather than letting our pain be turned into a tool for further violence and vengance, let's sink deeply into it and turn it into a foundation for justice, peace, and love.
0 comments
As you may have figured out by now, I am no patriot. In fact, I am a nonviolent revolutionary dedicated to the creation of a new society founded on principles such as freedom, direct democracy, bioregionalism, permaculture, free community, and abundant health, among others. So naturally, I tend to see all of this tugging on heartstrings surrounding September 11 as a ploy to manipulate the public into doing whatever the current administration wants us to do.
Even so, I felt some genuine sadness as I watched the footage from that dreadful day. These people didn't have to die. There's no reason why thousands of people should be incinerated and crushed to death in such a brutal attack. As they went on to describe the memorial itself, I felt at least two powerful emotions at once: understanding and indignation.
The understanding comes from the fact that I really do feel the horror of this tragedy. I'm no longer a bitter and angry revolutionary with little mercy for citizens of the Empire. These are human beings, fellow creatures, all of us children of the same Earth. I hold love in my heart for all beings, especially my fellow humans. If seeing their suffering doesn't bring tears to my eyes, then the "revolution" has already been defeated in my own heart before it even made it out into the world. I surprised myself while watching this show when I decided that it is very appropriate for people to build artful and enduring memorials to commemorate this horrible loss of life.
But there's a catch.
My indignation comes from the circumstances surrounding this tragedy and the U.S. in general. 9-11 is surely a day to be mourned, but there's a certain naive arrogance in the way that most of my fellow Americans go about mourning it. Let's not forget that this country got to where it is now by waging a bloody genocidal war across the entire width of North America and ultimately using treachery and violence to become the most powerful and wealthy Empire on the face of the planet. Thankfully, I've learned to feel love and empathy even for the champions and defenders of this brutal Empire, but the mortal screams of its countless victims cry out in my heart and make my blood boil every time that Americans act like 9-11 is the only tragedy that the Earth has ever seen.
Who will build a monument for the hundreds of thousands of children who died under the weight of the U.S. government wars and sanctions against Iraq? When will we set up a committee of prestigious designers to create a beautiful monument for the millions of Palestinians who have become refugees or died in their struggle for self-preservation and independence? Who will even remember the victims of the death squads in South America who were covertly [or even openly] funded and trained by the U.S. Government? These casualties far outnumber those of September 11 - and yet, because they aren't American, we feel nothing, forgetting those few whose passing we even noticed.
The greatest shock that came to me in the wake of September 11 was the feeling that I am an American. I tried to fight that feeling; after learning of all the horrors that our government has created, I sought to shut my heart off to mainstream America and prepare myself for a bitter and embattled revolution. On that fateful September day, my heart reopened to this nation, and I cried for the people who had been lost in the flaming rubble.
But my commitment to revolution was not forgotten. Yes, let's cry for our fellow Americans who died so horribly on that terrible day. But whatever we do, we must never perpetuate the very cycle of war and violence that took them from us. We must never allow "leaders" to charge us headlong into endless war in the name of the slain. Instead, we must feel their pain - feel OUR pain - and let it inform us about the pain of the rest of the world.
THIS is what it feels like to be attacked. THIS is what it feels like to be under siege. THIS is the pain of war and violence. It's enough to drive us out of our minds with anger and sadness, enough to make us want to lash out at anyone and everyone who we feel is responsible. Once we feel this, deeply and fully, we can empathize with all people who have been attacked, and all people who attack in return. We can hold love in our hearts for both; love in our hearts for all people, regardless of whether they are attacking or being attacked. We can swear from the bottom of our hearts that we will never, ever visit this terror upon the rest of the world ever again. We can swear to break the cycle by using our incredible might not for war and control, but for peaceful cooperation and world service.
So this is my resolution to the conflicted feelings I've been having about this monument and this coming anniversary. Yes, let's mourn and memorialize the passing of three thousand people on that day of terror. However, rather than letting our pain be turned into a tool for further violence and vengance, let's sink deeply into it and turn it into a foundation for justice, peace, and love.
0 comments
Saturday, September 06, 2003
[R]evolution
Is it just me, or is it time for revolution?
We live in a world where parastic or death consciousness has just about taken hold of ever aspect of our lives. I tend to get too impersonal in describing these things, so let me site the instances in my personal life where I've seen and felt the rot of death consciousness:
MEDIA. When I go to public places, I can feel the influence of the media all around me - tangibly, like a puke green pea soup that thickens with every corporate logo, every propaganda-induced belief my fellow humans utter, every intrusion of the conscious effort to manipulate and control the behavior of mass populations. I work at a local bookstore that offers independent perspectives, and I've contributed to local community radio and independent news, but even with the growing discontent in our society, the consciousness of mass control saturates the air, slowly simmering us all to death.
ECONOMICS. Capitalism really is an economic system rooted in parasitic death consciousness. It's based on an Oral notion of scarcity [scarce resources, giving only to receive] and a Psychopathic notion of conflict and control [competition for survival, very strict and individual control of resources]. I can feel it like I feel the influence of media - the fear of scarcity and betrayal hanging in the air like a cloud of dollar-green teargas. And when my own economic situation fluctuates, I feel the mark of this economy in my own heart and gut - the rush when my wallet is full, the anxiety when the bank account is empty. Even as we try to envision another way, another world, the very system that we oppose haunts us from within.
FOOD. I want to have a community of fellow live/raw foodists to share in my life-affirming choices. No offense to the 'cookies' [cooked food eaters], but I know in my mind and in my heart that cooked and processed foods are poison. They contain carcinogens, mutagens, other toxins, and no enzymes. If people still want to eat them, that's fine - it's like the freedom to choose consumption of [other] recreational drugs. But I want to have some place in my life [other than the Internent] that I can go to and say "Here, I am among fellow live and raw foodists."
INFRASTRUCTURE. The very structure of our society is based on principles of parasitism and death. Every brick, every stretch of blacktop, is like the stroke of an unseen artist's brush - an artist whose mind and heart is consumed and twisted by their own teror. The paintbrush of technology and human ingenuity, which could be used to paint such wondrous living landscapes, is instead turned to the service of our society's darkest fears. The very designs of our cities promote overconsumption, pollution, and illness, while discouraging ecological thought, bioregionalism, permaculture, health, community, and life itself. Oh, what I wouldn't give to live in a permacultural forest garden community...
Okay - 'nuff said on all that.
The bad news is that all of the above sometimes makes me feel like a lone Jedi without light saber or Rebels at my side to help me face down the Empire. How can there be a revolution when most people aren't even aware that they've fallen prey to Darth Vader's mind tricks, and I can feel the Dark Side lurking in my own shadow? How can we create communities and societies of life and love when the psychological, social, economic, technological, infrastructural, and political landscape all serve to prevent even the thought that another world is possible?
The good news is that all of the above personal experiences make me feel like I've had such a deep and direct experience of this system that I understand and experience it from within. This empathy will allow me to aid in the revolutionary process of deep society-wide healing. Let me put it another way: true nonviolence works to resolve conflict not by defeating or harming violent people, but by creating a resolution that lets everyone be the "winner" in some real and meaningful way. Feeling and experiencing what's going on at the roots of this society empowers me to play a role in laying our society's fears and demons to rest, thus fostering the possibility of a peaceful, just, and life-affirming world. As long as I keep it personal, real, and humble rather than trying to fix the whole thing myself with some grand philosophy, I may actually be able to do some good in the world.
So, what started out as a disheartened blog entry is leaving me feeling more empowered. It's one hell of a mess - one blanking hell of a mess. But the deeper I sink into it, the deeper my power to support the healing journey. On that note, I'm going to go eat some good food, enjoy a good community event, and find my own ways to give thanks for this wonderful life of mine.
This is where our revolution begins - not with a bloodbath, but with the joy of life and the love of our community. We're turning the tables on the system of death every time that we feel the power and pain of the system itself and choose to act in a way that holds onto our own love of life and community. Our joy, our health, our empowerment as individuals and as communities, is a victory so heartwarming that even the bastions of parasitic death consciousness will be moved to join us in the celebration.
On that note, too much computer time! I'm going to go get some fresh air and pursue the sounds of music and laughter that are drifting my way from just over the next hill...
0 comments
We live in a world where parastic or death consciousness has just about taken hold of ever aspect of our lives. I tend to get too impersonal in describing these things, so let me site the instances in my personal life where I've seen and felt the rot of death consciousness:
MEDIA. When I go to public places, I can feel the influence of the media all around me - tangibly, like a puke green pea soup that thickens with every corporate logo, every propaganda-induced belief my fellow humans utter, every intrusion of the conscious effort to manipulate and control the behavior of mass populations. I work at a local bookstore that offers independent perspectives, and I've contributed to local community radio and independent news, but even with the growing discontent in our society, the consciousness of mass control saturates the air, slowly simmering us all to death.
ECONOMICS. Capitalism really is an economic system rooted in parasitic death consciousness. It's based on an Oral notion of scarcity [scarce resources, giving only to receive] and a Psychopathic notion of conflict and control [competition for survival, very strict and individual control of resources]. I can feel it like I feel the influence of media - the fear of scarcity and betrayal hanging in the air like a cloud of dollar-green teargas. And when my own economic situation fluctuates, I feel the mark of this economy in my own heart and gut - the rush when my wallet is full, the anxiety when the bank account is empty. Even as we try to envision another way, another world, the very system that we oppose haunts us from within.
FOOD. I want to have a community of fellow live/raw foodists to share in my life-affirming choices. No offense to the 'cookies' [cooked food eaters], but I know in my mind and in my heart that cooked and processed foods are poison. They contain carcinogens, mutagens, other toxins, and no enzymes. If people still want to eat them, that's fine - it's like the freedom to choose consumption of [other] recreational drugs. But I want to have some place in my life [other than the Internent] that I can go to and say "Here, I am among fellow live and raw foodists."
INFRASTRUCTURE. The very structure of our society is based on principles of parasitism and death. Every brick, every stretch of blacktop, is like the stroke of an unseen artist's brush - an artist whose mind and heart is consumed and twisted by their own teror. The paintbrush of technology and human ingenuity, which could be used to paint such wondrous living landscapes, is instead turned to the service of our society's darkest fears. The very designs of our cities promote overconsumption, pollution, and illness, while discouraging ecological thought, bioregionalism, permaculture, health, community, and life itself. Oh, what I wouldn't give to live in a permacultural forest garden community...
Okay - 'nuff said on all that.
The bad news is that all of the above sometimes makes me feel like a lone Jedi without light saber or Rebels at my side to help me face down the Empire. How can there be a revolution when most people aren't even aware that they've fallen prey to Darth Vader's mind tricks, and I can feel the Dark Side lurking in my own shadow? How can we create communities and societies of life and love when the psychological, social, economic, technological, infrastructural, and political landscape all serve to prevent even the thought that another world is possible?
The good news is that all of the above personal experiences make me feel like I've had such a deep and direct experience of this system that I understand and experience it from within. This empathy will allow me to aid in the revolutionary process of deep society-wide healing. Let me put it another way: true nonviolence works to resolve conflict not by defeating or harming violent people, but by creating a resolution that lets everyone be the "winner" in some real and meaningful way. Feeling and experiencing what's going on at the roots of this society empowers me to play a role in laying our society's fears and demons to rest, thus fostering the possibility of a peaceful, just, and life-affirming world. As long as I keep it personal, real, and humble rather than trying to fix the whole thing myself with some grand philosophy, I may actually be able to do some good in the world.
So, what started out as a disheartened blog entry is leaving me feeling more empowered. It's one hell of a mess - one blanking hell of a mess. But the deeper I sink into it, the deeper my power to support the healing journey. On that note, I'm going to go eat some good food, enjoy a good community event, and find my own ways to give thanks for this wonderful life of mine.
This is where our revolution begins - not with a bloodbath, but with the joy of life and the love of our community. We're turning the tables on the system of death every time that we feel the power and pain of the system itself and choose to act in a way that holds onto our own love of life and community. Our joy, our health, our empowerment as individuals and as communities, is a victory so heartwarming that even the bastions of parasitic death consciousness will be moved to join us in the celebration.
On that note, too much computer time! I'm going to go get some fresh air and pursue the sounds of music and laughter that are drifting my way from just over the next hill...
0 comments
