Monday, February 28, 2005
Inside-Out Organizing
One of the most important quotes in my life right now is one that I mentioned in my last entry. It's a quote from the Charge of the Goddess:
"If that which you seek, you find not in yourself, you will never find it without. For behold! I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire." -- Charge of the Goddess, Spiral Dance, p. 90
This insight has played a very powerful role in my personal life in recent weeks and months. However, I also believe that a "mundane" or "secular" version of the same sentiment is precisely what's needed right now in our efforts to create a new society. In other words, I believe that if we want to change the world for the better, we need to start within and move slowly but surely outwards.
The majority of people that I know who have any degree of "progressive" or "revolutionary" consciousness whatsoever suffer from what I call BTSD -- Bush Traumatic Stress Disorder. They just LOVE to talk about a man who they despise more than any other man in the world. That man's name is George W. Bush.
I hear it at work; I hear it on the streets; I hear it on the phone; I hear it on the radio; I hear it on two dozen email lists and a hundred personal mailings. Apparently, the man who is responsible for all suffering in the world is George W. Bush, and the fate of the planet rests in his hands.
"Bush did this; Bush did that; Bush might do this; Bush might do that; Bush is the biggest monster who has ever walked the face of the Earth."
People suffering from BTSD recite the man's name and his crimes over and over again, in what I can only describe as some sort of bitter, fearful, and enraged equivalent of saying their Hail Maries.
"Hail Dubya, Full of Malice, the Neo-Cons are with thee. Cursed art thou among fascists, and cursed is the fruit of thy rule, the Bush Administration. Unholy Dubya, Father of Doom, we pray for you sinner now, and at the hour of our death at Guantanamo or Iraq. Amen."
Don't get me wrong, here. I also get very angry at Bush and his nefarious "Bush Administration." I too shout nasty things at the computer sometimes when I read about the latest crimes of the Bush regime. I too see him as the father of a new American fascism. I too believe that it will take some powerful opposition to prevent him from destroying the United States and half of the planet.
But whatever happened to the constructive program? Whatever happened to reconstructive vision? Whatever happened to the idea that it is we, the people, who have the power, even when fascists and tyrants claim otherwise? Whatever happened to our feelings of hope and inspiration?
Whatever happened to the people who say no to fascism -- and YES to a whole lot more?
As far as I'm concerned, defaming Bush isn't the primary task of a revolutionary. Bush does a good enough job of defaming himself, thank you very much. What, then, is the primary task of a revolutionary?
For more information on this, I encourage you to read Revolution of One. In the meantime, I'm reminded of a community organizing term that Hugh Muldoon introduced to me several years ago. This term is "Inside-Out Organizing."
It's a simple enough principle. When you're trying to accomplish something in your community or society, where should you turn to for help? The first people to turn to are the ones who already support the project or would be glad to do so. Once you've got the support of this "inner circle," you can build on that foundation to reach out to others who are less likely to support your goal. Finally, once you've done a great deal of community building, you can reach out to the "outer circle" of opponents of the goal and work with them to find a common solution. Hence, the term "Inside-Out Organizing."
In most cases, this style of organizing is infinitely more effective than the "Us versus Them" mentality. That mentality draws us out of our center of power. It pushes all of our energy outward at our perceived opponents, leaving precious little for sustaining ourselves, much less creating something new. Therefore, it tends to burn us out and leave us vulnerable for counterattack. Our perceived opponents can then turn our energy against us, saying that we're simply unbalanced and negative people who should be ridiculed and dismissed.
So, Inside-Out Organizing is the way to go. But where do we start?
Personally, I'm starting with something that for the time being, I'm calling Project X. Several friends have invited me to work on this community-oriented project, and I'll be devoting more time to it with each passing day. However, I'm holding off on any further public details until we've made it to a certain stage in our process.
In the meantime... where do we start with Inside-Out Organizing?
My book, Revolution of One, is all about Inside-Out Organizing.
Your own special place in the Revolution of One starts with you -- your health, your sanity, your daily practices, your friendships, your studies, your living situation, and your social ties in the community. As you revolutionize your own consciousness, you will be empowered to contribute more fully to creating and sustaining beneficial community projects. You will become a light of joy and enthusiasm in your community, and you'll stumble across more and more people who share your passion for positive transformation. Finally, your community and others like it will lead your region in the creation of a new society of free cooperation, ecology, and beyond.
Do you see now why I'm so intent on banishing the word "Bush" from my life? Yes, it's important to bear witness to such heinous crimes, and to take direct action to oppose the rising tides of fascism. But unless we hold a profound positive vision of a better world at the heart of our every action, we've already lost what we're looking for.
So, even as you hear more and more news of the misdeeds of Bush, I urge you to work independently or with your fellow community members to create events, projects, organizations, and more that bring positive transformation into your life, your community, your region, and your society. In this way, we can create a better world together.
0 comments
"If that which you seek, you find not in yourself, you will never find it without. For behold! I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire." -- Charge of the Goddess, Spiral Dance, p. 90
This insight has played a very powerful role in my personal life in recent weeks and months. However, I also believe that a "mundane" or "secular" version of the same sentiment is precisely what's needed right now in our efforts to create a new society. In other words, I believe that if we want to change the world for the better, we need to start within and move slowly but surely outwards.
The majority of people that I know who have any degree of "progressive" or "revolutionary" consciousness whatsoever suffer from what I call BTSD -- Bush Traumatic Stress Disorder. They just LOVE to talk about a man who they despise more than any other man in the world. That man's name is George W. Bush.
I hear it at work; I hear it on the streets; I hear it on the phone; I hear it on the radio; I hear it on two dozen email lists and a hundred personal mailings. Apparently, the man who is responsible for all suffering in the world is George W. Bush, and the fate of the planet rests in his hands.
"Bush did this; Bush did that; Bush might do this; Bush might do that; Bush is the biggest monster who has ever walked the face of the Earth."
People suffering from BTSD recite the man's name and his crimes over and over again, in what I can only describe as some sort of bitter, fearful, and enraged equivalent of saying their Hail Maries.
"Hail Dubya, Full of Malice, the Neo-Cons are with thee. Cursed art thou among fascists, and cursed is the fruit of thy rule, the Bush Administration. Unholy Dubya, Father of Doom, we pray for you sinner now, and at the hour of our death at Guantanamo or Iraq. Amen."
Don't get me wrong, here. I also get very angry at Bush and his nefarious "Bush Administration." I too shout nasty things at the computer sometimes when I read about the latest crimes of the Bush regime. I too see him as the father of a new American fascism. I too believe that it will take some powerful opposition to prevent him from destroying the United States and half of the planet.
But whatever happened to the constructive program? Whatever happened to reconstructive vision? Whatever happened to the idea that it is we, the people, who have the power, even when fascists and tyrants claim otherwise? Whatever happened to our feelings of hope and inspiration?
Whatever happened to the people who say no to fascism -- and YES to a whole lot more?
As far as I'm concerned, defaming Bush isn't the primary task of a revolutionary. Bush does a good enough job of defaming himself, thank you very much. What, then, is the primary task of a revolutionary?
For more information on this, I encourage you to read Revolution of One. In the meantime, I'm reminded of a community organizing term that Hugh Muldoon introduced to me several years ago. This term is "Inside-Out Organizing."
It's a simple enough principle. When you're trying to accomplish something in your community or society, where should you turn to for help? The first people to turn to are the ones who already support the project or would be glad to do so. Once you've got the support of this "inner circle," you can build on that foundation to reach out to others who are less likely to support your goal. Finally, once you've done a great deal of community building, you can reach out to the "outer circle" of opponents of the goal and work with them to find a common solution. Hence, the term "Inside-Out Organizing."
In most cases, this style of organizing is infinitely more effective than the "Us versus Them" mentality. That mentality draws us out of our center of power. It pushes all of our energy outward at our perceived opponents, leaving precious little for sustaining ourselves, much less creating something new. Therefore, it tends to burn us out and leave us vulnerable for counterattack. Our perceived opponents can then turn our energy against us, saying that we're simply unbalanced and negative people who should be ridiculed and dismissed.
So, Inside-Out Organizing is the way to go. But where do we start?
Personally, I'm starting with something that for the time being, I'm calling Project X. Several friends have invited me to work on this community-oriented project, and I'll be devoting more time to it with each passing day. However, I'm holding off on any further public details until we've made it to a certain stage in our process.
In the meantime... where do we start with Inside-Out Organizing?
My book, Revolution of One, is all about Inside-Out Organizing.
Your own special place in the Revolution of One starts with you -- your health, your sanity, your daily practices, your friendships, your studies, your living situation, and your social ties in the community. As you revolutionize your own consciousness, you will be empowered to contribute more fully to creating and sustaining beneficial community projects. You will become a light of joy and enthusiasm in your community, and you'll stumble across more and more people who share your passion for positive transformation. Finally, your community and others like it will lead your region in the creation of a new society of free cooperation, ecology, and beyond.
Do you see now why I'm so intent on banishing the word "Bush" from my life? Yes, it's important to bear witness to such heinous crimes, and to take direct action to oppose the rising tides of fascism. But unless we hold a profound positive vision of a better world at the heart of our every action, we've already lost what we're looking for.
So, even as you hear more and more news of the misdeeds of Bush, I urge you to work independently or with your fellow community members to create events, projects, organizations, and more that bring positive transformation into your life, your community, your region, and your society. In this way, we can create a better world together.
0 comments
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Valentine's Day Healing
In my time on this planet, I've experienced 27 Valentine's Days. And without fail, for the 27th consecutive Valentine's Day, I found myself completely alone.
I have a long-standing Valentine's Day ritual that dates back to my teenage days when I was in the midst of a life-threatening bout of chronic depression. It was obvious to me that I was going to be even more depressed than usual on this day -- that much was a given. But if I'm going to be depressed, then why not do it in style? So, every year since I was eighteen or so, I've treated myself a special dose of Valentine's Day sweets.
When I was a cooked foods vegetarian, it was a full tub of Haagen Daaz. When I was a cooked foods vegan, it was dark chocolate and a full tub of Soy Delicious ice cream. When I first went raw, I would use dates and almonds as a substitute for the sweetness and fattiness of chocolate. Finally, this year, I had access to truly raw chocolate, and saved a single truffle for this special night, to be eaten at the start of the usual massive binge on sweets and fats.
But something was different this year.
Even though I was alone again, I didn't find the day very depressing. In fact, it was mostly just a day like any other. For this reason, I may always remember V-Day 2005 as the day that Valentine's Day lost its sting for me.
I went for a nice walk just before dusk. When I realized that the western sky was too cloudy for much of a colorful sunset, I headed home and turned on the TV and the computer. Then, a truly amazing thing happened.
I didn't pig out on sweets!
Don't get me wrong -- I did have SOME sweets. I took a bit of almonds, a bit of figs, a bit of honey, and put them all in the blender with some water to make a smoothie. But I was barely even able to finish off a cup or two of this delicious brew because my body simply wasn't in the mood for sugar shock. I ate a great big green salad earlier in the night, so I actually ended up eating more greens than sweets! Even tonight, two nights later, I still have most of my dates left over -- an outcome that would have been almost unthinkable as recently as a year ago.
Two baggies of dates going uneaten for days in Treesong's kitchen? What's going on here?!?
To me, this is a sign that my relationship with "sweetness" really has transformed over the course of the past year.
When I feel like my life is lacking sweetness, I look for it in my diet. The greater my fear of a life without sweetness, the greater my consumption of sweets. So, whenever Valentine's Day or anything else made me feel a terrible lack of sweetness, I would consume massive amounts of sweets until I was on the brink of a diabetic coma.
When I feel like my life is sweet, any sweets in my diet are a pleasant addition to my life rather than a NEED that feels like the hunger of a vampire lusting for blood. I still have my moments of sweet cravings -- but amazingly, Valentine's Day was not one of them.
Why?
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. But two reasons come to mind.
Number one, I've been doing a lot of healing over the past year. I did a lot of healing the previous year or two as well, thanks to the healing school -- but this year's work was much more grounded due in part to the foundational work at the BBSH. I've taken to heart a line from the Charge of the Goddess that has become a mantra of mine recently:
"If that which you seek, you find not in yourself, you will never find it without. For behold! I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire." -- Charge of the Goddess, Spiral Dance, p. 90
In other words, instead of looking for love outside of myself, I need to find it within myself first. And after years of trying to no avail, I finally seem to have achieved it almost effortlessly! I made no special efforts to "heal myself" or "maintain positive intent" on Valentine's Day. In fact, I did just the opposite -- following my own personal traditions out of habit, traditions that are rooted in the assumption that I need a ton of comfort food on Valentine's Day. But in a moment of Divine grace, I was almost fully released from the cycle of loneliness and self-affacement.
Then, there's reason number two -- finally coming across someone who I feel understands me deeply and embraces the love in my heart as fully as I do. It would be wonderful beyond words to be in a "relationship" with someone who I connect with so powerfully on such a heartfelt level -- but short of that, it's been very healing for me to have someone in my life who I can talk to about my feelings without fear of being judged or rejected. My courage about delving into the oh-so-messy world of feelings had been growing greatly before I even met this person. Now, I feel like the full power of my love is expanding in leaps and bounds as I reclaim my own feelings and my right to feel safe and empowered in the presence of my own heart.
So, my newfound comfort in the presence of my own heart is transforming my life in more ways than I imagined. On Valentine's Day, I didn't have to lean on my friend or anyone else for comfort. I didn't even have to lean on sweets! Without even trying, I simply found other things to do that honored my love for myself and continued the sorts of self-fulfilling activities that I practice on any other day.
On another positive note, I've also started a new Valentine's Day tradition -- giving away sweets! I gave half a dozen people at work [the Neighborhood Co-op] free pieces of raw chocolate. I also gave a piece to a friend of mine, and two whole pieces to the friend I mentioned earlier. I saved two for myself, so a bit of quick math shows that I gave away much more raw chocolate than I ate for Valentine's Day. What an amazing act for a former chocoholic! Apparently, my new Valentine's Day tradition is to share at least as much chocolate as I eat -- and since I don't have a "partner," I simply shared it all among friends, which is a tradition that I may keep even if I do have a partner in future years.
Now that Valentine's Day is past, and some of my greatest issues around it resolved, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. And so many things to move on to... between my work life, my community life, and my spiritual studies, I have more to do than I know what to do with! On the horizon, I have more hours at work, more computer time for the Big Muddy IMC, more time to help form the new Interfaith Center organization, and certainly more time and energy to devote to the mysterious new Project X that has just entered into my life.
So much more to do -- and yet, it's as though more time has appeared out of thin air to make space for it all! Now that I spend less time and energy on depression, anxiety, frustration, confusion, self-affacement, and recovery from pushing myself far beyond my reasonable limits, I've discovered that I have all the time in the world to make my dreams a reality. Sometimes, my progress feels very slow -- and yet, it's very REAL, very deep, like moving mountains an inch at a time through constant, steady pressure. I can tell already that this is going to be an incredible year -- and Spring hasn't even arrived yet!
Here's to the successes and lessons of the old year, and to the successes and lessons awaiting in the new. In the words of a chant I learned last year: "We give thanks for unknown blessings already on the way..."
0 comments
I have a long-standing Valentine's Day ritual that dates back to my teenage days when I was in the midst of a life-threatening bout of chronic depression. It was obvious to me that I was going to be even more depressed than usual on this day -- that much was a given. But if I'm going to be depressed, then why not do it in style? So, every year since I was eighteen or so, I've treated myself a special dose of Valentine's Day sweets.
When I was a cooked foods vegetarian, it was a full tub of Haagen Daaz. When I was a cooked foods vegan, it was dark chocolate and a full tub of Soy Delicious ice cream. When I first went raw, I would use dates and almonds as a substitute for the sweetness and fattiness of chocolate. Finally, this year, I had access to truly raw chocolate, and saved a single truffle for this special night, to be eaten at the start of the usual massive binge on sweets and fats.
But something was different this year.
Even though I was alone again, I didn't find the day very depressing. In fact, it was mostly just a day like any other. For this reason, I may always remember V-Day 2005 as the day that Valentine's Day lost its sting for me.
I went for a nice walk just before dusk. When I realized that the western sky was too cloudy for much of a colorful sunset, I headed home and turned on the TV and the computer. Then, a truly amazing thing happened.
I didn't pig out on sweets!
Don't get me wrong -- I did have SOME sweets. I took a bit of almonds, a bit of figs, a bit of honey, and put them all in the blender with some water to make a smoothie. But I was barely even able to finish off a cup or two of this delicious brew because my body simply wasn't in the mood for sugar shock. I ate a great big green salad earlier in the night, so I actually ended up eating more greens than sweets! Even tonight, two nights later, I still have most of my dates left over -- an outcome that would have been almost unthinkable as recently as a year ago.
Two baggies of dates going uneaten for days in Treesong's kitchen? What's going on here?!?
To me, this is a sign that my relationship with "sweetness" really has transformed over the course of the past year.
When I feel like my life is lacking sweetness, I look for it in my diet. The greater my fear of a life without sweetness, the greater my consumption of sweets. So, whenever Valentine's Day or anything else made me feel a terrible lack of sweetness, I would consume massive amounts of sweets until I was on the brink of a diabetic coma.
When I feel like my life is sweet, any sweets in my diet are a pleasant addition to my life rather than a NEED that feels like the hunger of a vampire lusting for blood. I still have my moments of sweet cravings -- but amazingly, Valentine's Day was not one of them.
Why?
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. But two reasons come to mind.
Number one, I've been doing a lot of healing over the past year. I did a lot of healing the previous year or two as well, thanks to the healing school -- but this year's work was much more grounded due in part to the foundational work at the BBSH. I've taken to heart a line from the Charge of the Goddess that has become a mantra of mine recently:
"If that which you seek, you find not in yourself, you will never find it without. For behold! I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire." -- Charge of the Goddess, Spiral Dance, p. 90
In other words, instead of looking for love outside of myself, I need to find it within myself first. And after years of trying to no avail, I finally seem to have achieved it almost effortlessly! I made no special efforts to "heal myself" or "maintain positive intent" on Valentine's Day. In fact, I did just the opposite -- following my own personal traditions out of habit, traditions that are rooted in the assumption that I need a ton of comfort food on Valentine's Day. But in a moment of Divine grace, I was almost fully released from the cycle of loneliness and self-affacement.
Then, there's reason number two -- finally coming across someone who I feel understands me deeply and embraces the love in my heart as fully as I do. It would be wonderful beyond words to be in a "relationship" with someone who I connect with so powerfully on such a heartfelt level -- but short of that, it's been very healing for me to have someone in my life who I can talk to about my feelings without fear of being judged or rejected. My courage about delving into the oh-so-messy world of feelings had been growing greatly before I even met this person. Now, I feel like the full power of my love is expanding in leaps and bounds as I reclaim my own feelings and my right to feel safe and empowered in the presence of my own heart.
So, my newfound comfort in the presence of my own heart is transforming my life in more ways than I imagined. On Valentine's Day, I didn't have to lean on my friend or anyone else for comfort. I didn't even have to lean on sweets! Without even trying, I simply found other things to do that honored my love for myself and continued the sorts of self-fulfilling activities that I practice on any other day.
On another positive note, I've also started a new Valentine's Day tradition -- giving away sweets! I gave half a dozen people at work [the Neighborhood Co-op] free pieces of raw chocolate. I also gave a piece to a friend of mine, and two whole pieces to the friend I mentioned earlier. I saved two for myself, so a bit of quick math shows that I gave away much more raw chocolate than I ate for Valentine's Day. What an amazing act for a former chocoholic! Apparently, my new Valentine's Day tradition is to share at least as much chocolate as I eat -- and since I don't have a "partner," I simply shared it all among friends, which is a tradition that I may keep even if I do have a partner in future years.
Now that Valentine's Day is past, and some of my greatest issues around it resolved, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. And so many things to move on to... between my work life, my community life, and my spiritual studies, I have more to do than I know what to do with! On the horizon, I have more hours at work, more computer time for the Big Muddy IMC, more time to help form the new Interfaith Center organization, and certainly more time and energy to devote to the mysterious new Project X that has just entered into my life.
So much more to do -- and yet, it's as though more time has appeared out of thin air to make space for it all! Now that I spend less time and energy on depression, anxiety, frustration, confusion, self-affacement, and recovery from pushing myself far beyond my reasonable limits, I've discovered that I have all the time in the world to make my dreams a reality. Sometimes, my progress feels very slow -- and yet, it's very REAL, very deep, like moving mountains an inch at a time through constant, steady pressure. I can tell already that this is going to be an incredible year -- and Spring hasn't even arrived yet!
Here's to the successes and lessons of the old year, and to the successes and lessons awaiting in the new. In the words of a chant I learned last year: "We give thanks for unknown blessings already on the way..."
0 comments
Friday, February 11, 2005
The Universal Soldier
I'm hesitant to even write this entry because it's such a beautiful day outside, I'm in such a wonderful mood, and there are so many positive things that I could write about. But maybe that's exactly why I need to write it.
I was visiting a friend the other day, and I had the opportunity to spend some time in the presence of her three year old son. When he brought out some Lincoln Logs for us to play with, he seemed to have more fun smashing my half-finished creations than building any log cabins of his own. But this is par for the course, especially for someone his age. He's a very energetic and creative little kid, and I usually find his antics amusing. In fact, I've had to stifle my laughter more than once as he did something naughty that didn't hurt anybody, but that isn't the sort of behavior you want to encourage in a three year old. He's also growing so fast, to the point where he's starting to think about his own identity separate from his parents, the nature of life and death, etc. So, it was a joy to see him again, if only in passing.
But then, something happened that I found very disturbing.
He likes to pick up random objects and pretend that they're guns. That's always been somewhat disturbing to me, and I suspect that it has been to his mother too. He watches very little if any television, so I'm not even sure where he gets some of these behaviors. But, it's a very common thing for kids in our culture to do, especially young boys. So, I've grown used to it.
On that day, though, he did something related to guns that I found unexpectedly chilling.
He had a bunch of Legos put together in the shape of a long tower that he was using as a toy gun. At first, he was making silly gun noises and playfully shooting the gun at unseen "monsters." But then, for a moment, he adopted a very serious demeanor. He held the Lego gun close to his chest, with his hand on the barrel higher than his trigger hand, leaving the gun slanted across his chest at an angle like so many soldiers and swat team members in the movies do. Then, he put his back flat against the wall and peaked over his right shoulder as if looking into his bedroom for his target. Finally, he spun around, pushed the door open, and went into his bedroom with his toy gun blazing.
I don't know... this may seem like such a simple and common occurence to parents raising young boys who have grown up on television and PlayStation. But somehow, this little "raid" struck me as deeply disturbing. I didn't have much time to think about it in the moment because my friends and I were getting ready to go somewhere that night. But it definitely caught my eye, and in retrospect I can understand why.
Among other things, it instantly summoned to mind my teenage cousin who's currently serving in Iraq. I almost never got to see this cousin except at Christmas and Thanksgiving, so it's not as though we were the closest of friends. But I saw him grow up from infancy to young adulthood, and I can remember the hundreds of times that I watched him play and sometimes played with him. He's my cousin, and when it comes down to it, I really do care about him. So, I hope that he makes it home in one piece, and hope that he makes it home without having endured much harm -- or done much harm.
Somehow, as I watched my three year old friend play-act an armed raid, my mind and heart were drawn through space and time into the experiences of a thousand soldiers. I thought about the growth of my cousin from child to soldier, the realities of war in the world today, the fact that all of the brutal men on all sides of today's conflicts [and most ARE men] were at one point infants in the arms of their mothers, and so on. As I mentioned, I didn't have time to explore this experience more deeply in the moment because I had places to go and people to see. But it was an oddly memorable moment that I suspect will stick with me for the rest of my life.
It leaves me with even more of a heavy heart to think that my friend's son may one day become a soldier. My friends are very close to me, and as a child of my friend, this little boy is like family to me. I just can't bear the thought of him ever going away to join the military. I couldn't stand to see him receive and dole out the sort of harm that such a course of events would entail. He doesn't deserve to be tossed into a world where young boys are the tools of a war machine. He's only a child -- and yet somewhere, some adult in his life has already introduced this archetype of the soldier into his consciousness through television, movies, the games that other children play, and so on. I would lay down my life to keep him safe from harm. And I would give anything to insure that he won't have to grow up in a world where such games of childhood become the reality of adulthood. But I can't -- so even in his otherwise innocent moments of play by himself, he is entering into the wild wild world of adults that awaits him sooner than I'd care to admit.
On a brighter note, he's still just a little boy, and he's still got a lot of learning to do. He has two parents who love him dearly, and knowing his mother as well as I do, I'm sure that he will come into his own in a good environment, empowering him to become a wonderful adult human being. Here's to the hope that by the time he IS an adult, we'll have made some progress in the creation of a world of greater peace, greater justice, and greater freedom. Maybe then, as he watches his own children play together, none of them will be turning Legos into guns...
0 comments
I was visiting a friend the other day, and I had the opportunity to spend some time in the presence of her three year old son. When he brought out some Lincoln Logs for us to play with, he seemed to have more fun smashing my half-finished creations than building any log cabins of his own. But this is par for the course, especially for someone his age. He's a very energetic and creative little kid, and I usually find his antics amusing. In fact, I've had to stifle my laughter more than once as he did something naughty that didn't hurt anybody, but that isn't the sort of behavior you want to encourage in a three year old. He's also growing so fast, to the point where he's starting to think about his own identity separate from his parents, the nature of life and death, etc. So, it was a joy to see him again, if only in passing.
But then, something happened that I found very disturbing.
He likes to pick up random objects and pretend that they're guns. That's always been somewhat disturbing to me, and I suspect that it has been to his mother too. He watches very little if any television, so I'm not even sure where he gets some of these behaviors. But, it's a very common thing for kids in our culture to do, especially young boys. So, I've grown used to it.
On that day, though, he did something related to guns that I found unexpectedly chilling.
He had a bunch of Legos put together in the shape of a long tower that he was using as a toy gun. At first, he was making silly gun noises and playfully shooting the gun at unseen "monsters." But then, for a moment, he adopted a very serious demeanor. He held the Lego gun close to his chest, with his hand on the barrel higher than his trigger hand, leaving the gun slanted across his chest at an angle like so many soldiers and swat team members in the movies do. Then, he put his back flat against the wall and peaked over his right shoulder as if looking into his bedroom for his target. Finally, he spun around, pushed the door open, and went into his bedroom with his toy gun blazing.
I don't know... this may seem like such a simple and common occurence to parents raising young boys who have grown up on television and PlayStation. But somehow, this little "raid" struck me as deeply disturbing. I didn't have much time to think about it in the moment because my friends and I were getting ready to go somewhere that night. But it definitely caught my eye, and in retrospect I can understand why.
Among other things, it instantly summoned to mind my teenage cousin who's currently serving in Iraq. I almost never got to see this cousin except at Christmas and Thanksgiving, so it's not as though we were the closest of friends. But I saw him grow up from infancy to young adulthood, and I can remember the hundreds of times that I watched him play and sometimes played with him. He's my cousin, and when it comes down to it, I really do care about him. So, I hope that he makes it home in one piece, and hope that he makes it home without having endured much harm -- or done much harm.
Somehow, as I watched my three year old friend play-act an armed raid, my mind and heart were drawn through space and time into the experiences of a thousand soldiers. I thought about the growth of my cousin from child to soldier, the realities of war in the world today, the fact that all of the brutal men on all sides of today's conflicts [and most ARE men] were at one point infants in the arms of their mothers, and so on. As I mentioned, I didn't have time to explore this experience more deeply in the moment because I had places to go and people to see. But it was an oddly memorable moment that I suspect will stick with me for the rest of my life.
It leaves me with even more of a heavy heart to think that my friend's son may one day become a soldier. My friends are very close to me, and as a child of my friend, this little boy is like family to me. I just can't bear the thought of him ever going away to join the military. I couldn't stand to see him receive and dole out the sort of harm that such a course of events would entail. He doesn't deserve to be tossed into a world where young boys are the tools of a war machine. He's only a child -- and yet somewhere, some adult in his life has already introduced this archetype of the soldier into his consciousness through television, movies, the games that other children play, and so on. I would lay down my life to keep him safe from harm. And I would give anything to insure that he won't have to grow up in a world where such games of childhood become the reality of adulthood. But I can't -- so even in his otherwise innocent moments of play by himself, he is entering into the wild wild world of adults that awaits him sooner than I'd care to admit.
On a brighter note, he's still just a little boy, and he's still got a lot of learning to do. He has two parents who love him dearly, and knowing his mother as well as I do, I'm sure that he will come into his own in a good environment, empowering him to become a wonderful adult human being. Here's to the hope that by the time he IS an adult, we'll have made some progress in the creation of a world of greater peace, greater justice, and greater freedom. Maybe then, as he watches his own children play together, none of them will be turning Legos into guns...
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