How long has it been
since we’ve spoken?
At first it wasn’t long
so I called to say hello
but you weren’t there.
I left a message for you
thinking you’d call me back
when you got home
but you weren’t there.
I heard your soft-spoken recording
two or three more times that week
and every time I did
it reminded me of you
but you weren’t there.
I wrote you an e-mail
and the glowing words on my monitor
told me that I’d made you uncomfortable
but I didn’t know why
so I offered to talk about it
but you weren’t there.
The weeks went by without reply
and I could feel my heart pounding my chest
every time I checked for messages,
for some sign that you were still alive
but you didn’t give me one
so I sent you another e-mail
but you weren’t there.
I can still remember
that night we sat together talking
when we were the only people
left at the restaurant.
After we shared our pain
over the last slice of pizza
you told me that if I ever needed
someone to talk to
you’d be there.
I remember those words
and I remember the way
you used to hug me
when we said goodbye.
Well, you didn’t hug me this time
and I know it’s just because
you were afraid I might get
closer than you wanted me
and as much as I love you
all I ever asked of you
was a chance to mend your broken trust
or at least hear in your voice
and see in your eyes
that you didn’t want to talk to me.
But you weren’t there.
And it hurt.