This song parody is part of the Pandemic Song Parody Challenge. To participate, write a pandemic-themed parody of a popular song & share it on social media with the hashtag #PandemicSongParody.
I Want Masks And Distance From You
(Parody of All I Want For Christmas Is You)
I don’t want viral transmission
There is just one thing I need
Evidence-based mitigation
Implemented at great speed
I just want the world to know
How to make this virus go
Make my wish come true
I want masks and distance from you
I don’t want science denial
in the name of unchecked greed
Don’t care about QAnon posts
And other conspiracies
I don’t need more bad excuses
For your wicked plague rat ways
Save it all for dear old Krampus
As he carries you away
I just want the world to know
How to make this virus go
Make my wish come true
I want masks and distance from you
I won’t stop until we get it
No more community spread
I just want to be sure we don’t
fill every hospital bed
I want schools to go remote now
Keep students and teachers safe
Childcare for the working parents
Stimulus would be so great
Cause I want to know tonight
Politicians get this right
What will help us through
Oh, baby I want masks and distance from you
All the mitigations
Are followed with great care
Keep it up a few weeks
And we’ll be in the clear
And everyone is singing
The all-clear bell is ringing
Won’t you all just bring me
the ending we all need
Won’t you please follow mitigations quickly
I don’t want viral transmission
This is all I’m asking for
I just want us all to safely
Step outside our own front door
I just want the world to know
How to make this virus go
Make my wish come true
Baby, I want masks and distance from you
I want masks and distance from you, baby
My name is Treesong. I’m a father, author, talk radio host, and Real Life Superhero. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter/X, Instagram, and Ko-fi for my latest climate fiction releases and superhero adventures. Sign up for my newsletter to receive free climate fiction in your inbox. Check out my bookshop for climate change books, including reading lists for climate fiction, climate nonfiction, and climate poetry!